TRACES OF TIME . . .
THIS WEEK NOVEMBER 9, 2020
TONOVEMBER 15, 2020
AUTUMN
MONDAY,NOVEMBER 9, 2020
Family is Everything...
TUESDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 2020
Family is Everything... I hurried and took a selfie towardthe end of the afternoon 'cuz I hadn't taken any photos today.I've been working on my Mom's life story.Got her first decade put into the"Memories" section of familysearch.org 
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2020
TO
AUTUMN
WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 11, 2020
Family is Everything... 
A good supper for a cold day...John cooked steak strips forFajitas...
It's my movie night with Gary...We chose to watch the patriotic movie:"Red Tails" from 2012based on real Tuskeegee African-American pilots in WWII.
THURSDAY, NOVEMBER 12, 2020
Family is Everything... 
We
We
We
We
We
We
We
Working on my Mom's Life Story...Got the 1920's and 1930's --two decades of her life copiedinto the "Memories" section ofFamily Search
FRIDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2020
Family is Everything... 
...a purple heart medal recipient,
W. Craig Eby, who survived...
...a month in the hospital
...with Covid, and had a policeand firetruck escort home today.His daughter, Alissa Allen, isin our ward.
![]()
Kristin Murphy, KSL
Kristin Murphy, KSL
Vietnam veteran is welcomed home after
fighting another enemy — COVID-19
"He's ququiite a guy," a neighbor wearing a Vietnam veteran hat said.
"HHe's my hero," Cooper said. "That man has turned our world forfor us. He does everything he possibly can for his family."
HHowever, Eby's homecoming some 50 years ago didn't come wwith a celebration.
SSo his family figured he should get one when he came from the hospital after fighting a different kind of war — one aagainst COVID-19.
"He survived a lot," said Cooper. "So, we weren't going to let COVID take him."
Eby tested positive for the novel coronavirus two months ago and got to the point where doctors weren't sure he'd make it.
![]()
SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 14, 2020
"He's ququiite a guy," a neighbor wearing a Vietnam veteran hat said.
"HHe's my hero," Cooper said. "That man has turned our world forfor us. He does everything he possibly can for his family."
HHowever, Eby's homecoming some 50 years ago didn't come wwith a celebration.
SSo his family figured he should get one when he came from the hospital after fighting a different kind of war — one aagainst COVID-19.
"He survived a lot," said Cooper. "So, we weren't going to let COVID take him."
Eby tested positive for the novel coronavirus two months ago and got to the point where doctors weren't sure he'd make it.
Family is Everything... 
...to see me before they drove back to Rexburg this afternoon.They've been doing some ballroom stuff.
They'll be home about seven o'clock.
Fun evening with Steve 'n Natalie.We had supper at MexiQuense
...right here in Saratoga Springs.
...delicious tacos, enchiladas,burritos...etc.
...then went to see
"The War with Grandpa"at the FatCats theater herein Saratoga Springs.
I enjoyed seeing Jane Seymourwho is now 69.
Robert DeNiro is 77, whois the "Grandpa"
Thanks, Steve and Natalie forgetting me out and about...I had a great time.
SUNDAY, NOVEMBER 15, 2020
Family is Everything... 
1. Dermatologist
2. Rochester, MN
AREAS OF FOCUS:
Vein
procedure, Mohs surgery, Reconstructive surgery, Skin cancer reconstruction,
Botox injection, Laser skin surgery, Melanoma surgery, Melanoma,
Hyperhidrosis, Skin cancer, Skin tumor, Merkel cell carcinoma
Areas of focus for Jerry D. Brewer, M.D., M.S.
We had a good Sacrament Meeting via Zoom.
Dean Fletcher played organ and Sheree Shepherd led two Thanksgiving hymns.
Caid spoke about the Lord showing us our weaknesses so we can become strong. He quoted Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "There is nothing you have done that cannot be undone." Val Green said she was sure she couldn't speak for 15 minutes, but she spoke for 16 minutes. She said: "I feel peace through the ATONEMENT. When I felt that the Lord wasn't answering a specific prayer, I heard Him say: "I am taking care of you in other ways." It doesn't matter to me how; just that I heard these words is sufficient.
Vivien didn't know if she would be doing another Gospel Doctrine class before the year ended. She led a great discussion on the Book of Ether. Cami made a poignant observation that we can bring our own "stones" to the Lord and He can light them for our needs.
Our son David is a high councilor in the Canyon Stake in Draper. I was able to watch him via Zoom today. After he greeted the ward members and shared the love of the Stake Presidency for them, he spoke about faith...a trial of faith and a crisis of faith.
A Trial of Faith – A Crisis of Faith
Ether 12:2-4 Ether was a prophet of the Lord; … could not be
restrained because of the Spirit of the Lord which was in him. he did cry
from the morning, even until the going down of the sun, exhorting the people to
believe in God … saying unto them that by faith all
things are fulfilled—… wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for
ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.
-A Trial of
Faith is universal. If you have not had one yet, you will. There is no faith
without a trial
1 Peter 4:12 “Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial
which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you.”
Peter had his fiery trial, denying Jesus 3 times.
Elder Neil L. Anderson, spoke of these trials in the Oct 2012
Conf: “These fiery trials are designed to make you stronger, but they
have the potential to diminish or even destroy your trust in the Son of God and
to weaken your resolve to keep your promises to Him. A real but
manageable test for one can be a fiery trial for another.”
-We hear a lot lately about not just trials of faith, but members
in a Faith Crisis, or sometimes called a Transition of Faith. In preparing for this talk, I have read the personal
accounts of people having a crisis of faith, as well as spoken personally with several, including dear
neighbors and close friends, and even my own brother. I am sure that some in the congregation today
fit in this category, and I believe that all of you likely know of a loved one who has had a crisis of faith,
maybe even a child or a spouse. You are not alone. I pray that whether you are having a faith crisis or love
someone who is, you will find something comforting and helpful in this talk.
Elder Uchtdorf, Oct 2013: said of members having a crisis of faith
“Sometimes we assume it is because they have been offended or lazy or
sinful. Actually, it is not that simple.”
It is easy to say that their faith is weak
because they haven’t been reading their scriptures, praying or going to church or the temple often enough -But this can happen
to the most devout.
For many people who undergo a significant
Transition of Faith, their whole world comes crashing down because that world had been built on the truthfulness
of the Church and the structure that the Church provided in their lives. They spent years testifying,
“I know the Church is true,” and now that they can no longer honestly make that declaration, they call into
question everything they ever knew. The old ways of knowing have become suspect. (Mason, see sources
below)
A faith
crisis often begins with issues regarding church history, policy, or doctrine,
Uchtdorf “Some struggle with unanswered questions about things that have
been done or said in the past. We openly acknowledge that in nearly 200
years of Church history—along with an uninterrupted line of inspired,
honorable, and divine events—there have been some things said and done
that could cause people to question. And, to be perfectly frank, there
have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made
mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in
harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine.”
When they come across an issue that is
troublesome to their testimony in some way, they will “put it on the shelf.” This is a spiritual coping mechanism that
allows a person to set aside a difficult topic and just go on in faith in the meantime. It seems sustainable at first,
so they repeat this process, putting more and more things on the shelf until one day their shelf has reached its
maximum capacity. At that point, when they attempt to put one more thing on their shelf, it breaks. If
someone says to you, “My shelf broke,” it probably means their crisis has begun. Discussing and working through
these issues, before their shelf breaks, rather than ignoring them, can help avert a serious crisis. (Calk, see
sources below)
When the shelf breaks, Some can become very
angry, feeling lied to and deceived that what they learned in Primary and Sunday school is not historically
accurate.
Each person’s shelf can hold a different amount
before it breaks. And the thing that broke one person’s shelf may not bother another at all. Someone may find it
very difficult, for instance, to reconcile the fact that there is no scientific evidence of horses in the Americas
prior to 1492 with the accounts of horses related in the BoM, and that may not phase you at all. However,
telling them that it shouldn’t bother them won’t help. To them, it will feel trivializing and invalidating, and
they will walk away from the conversation unwilling to be open with you about their concerns ever again, because
they feel like you don’t get it. (Calk, see sources below)
-Stigmatizing doubt to the point that they feel guilty for having
questions is not conducive to spiritual growth. -Nor is
it helpful to brush off questions as if they are invalid, unimportant, and
wrongheaded. (Mason, see sources
below)
-Elder Uchtdorf taught in a Worldwide devotional 2009: “Some might
feel embarrassed or unworthy because they have searching questions
regarding the gospel, but they needn’t feel that way. Asking questions isn’t
a sign of weakness; it’s a precursor of growth.”
So often with these issues, our initial impulse
is to tell people to double down on scripture study, triple their temple attendance, and quadruple their prayers. (Calk,
see sources below)
-These solutions are great in theory but the
chances are the person has already tried reading/praying/ attending extensively.
-a “Sunday School” answer may come across as we
are not taking them seriously or a lack of concern for the person and their actual problems.
-Avoiding tough conversations, dismissing
concerns as insignificant, or giving prepackaged answers without thought or care all come off as naïve—or worse, as
insensitive and uncaring. (Calk, see sources below)
-Most of the time what they really need is a safe
sounding board. If they don’t get it with you, they often seek out online forums or find support groups of
like-minded individuals that may lead them down another path. -listening and validating is key. Assure them that
their concerns and feelings are legitimate and real, even though we may not share those same concerns. (Calk,
see sources below)
-Allow them to describe their experience fully
and completely before trying to give advice. This
nonjudgmental, supportive approach can be very healing.
-Glib reassurances like saying, “There are
answers to all your questions,” before we even try to understand the depth and complexity of a person’s actual questions
(which may outreach the depth of even our own knowledge), feel more dismissive than encouraging.
(Calk, see sources below)
-it is important to not only make them feel heard but to also respect
their wishes.
They may ask for more space to breathe, regroup,
and process, and we need to do our best to respect what they ask for and honor their boundaries. (Calk, see
sources below)
-There is no deadline to figure things out. A person
may need a week, a year, or a decade to process these changes, and that is okay.
Not every problem can or will be solved quickly.
If we shut down constructive dialogue based in love and genuine concern because it is “taking too long”, then
they naturally become frustrated, feeling that they are not valued and that things will never get better.
(Calk, see sources below)
Elder D. Todd Christofferson explained what he learned from a
personal trial: “Though I suffered then, as I look back now, I am
grateful that there was not a quick solution to my problem. The fact that I was
forced to turn to God for help almost daily over an extended period of years
taught me truly how to pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a
very practical way to have faith in God. I came to know my Savior and my
Heavenly Father in a way and to a degree that might not have happened
otherwise …” (Church Educational System Fireside, Jan. 9, 2011)
There is a
wonderful video vignette on ChurchOfJesusChrist.org featuring Michael McLean.
His Son came out as Gay and said to him, “I have done everything you told
me, eagle scout, mission, I can’t do it anymore. The stuff you have been
telling me has not been helpful!” It broke his heart, really broke it. He
needed some answers from heaven. He prayed like he had never prayed
before. And for the first time in his life, he felt like Heaven was shut.
So he thought, “this is a trial, a challenge, I will get through it.” A week
went by, then a month, then a year. After several years, he started to
ask himself and say, “wait a minute, what if I got it wrong. Is there
really a God that hears and answers prayers, or not? Do I continue when my
heart feels nothing? And I fear that nothing is coming?” But he decided
to keep going, and trust God. He chose to trust that there was a reason
that he couldn’t feel His presence, that he felt so abandoned. He trusted that
God was smarter than he was, and at some point, God would communicate with him
again, even though it felt like that was never going to happen.. After
NINE YEARS of this faith crisis, He had an extraordinary experience. As a
song writer, there was a week when out of the blue, he got a rush of
inspiration, song after song just came to him. When he reviewed these
songs, He saw the answer to his prayers about God’s love for him was in
those songs. He saw that the Lord loved him so personally and so
individually and so completely, that he was sent a personalized answer
that could only have come from God. He was overwhelmed with Grace. Then
he thought Why did this take 9 years? He said, “As looked back over that timed
I realized that I was looking for an answer in my way, in a specific box,
this is how God’s answers come. But what if God was answering me outside
the box? What if there were ways he was trying to give me hope and reassure me
and talk to me, but it just went over my head? Then I listed 25 things that
had happened to me over those 9 years, that made it clear the Lord had
been reaching out to me. He had not been punishing me by not talking to
me. Even when I couldn’t see it, His grace was trying to save me.”
Now, if you are in a faith crisis, or have a relationship with
someone who is, it is okay to say - “I don’t know.” At least for now.
Truth is learned a little at a time, so try to avoid premature conclusions. As
you search for answers, consult reliable sources, and consider the
motives of those who prepared each source. Learn to detect partial truths
and lack of context. (“Answering Gospel Questions” – Gospel Topics)
In your search for answers for yourself or a loved one, you can
find some answers in the Gospel Topics Essays, found on the Gospel
Library App and on ChurchofJesusChrist.org. In 2013 the Church began to
publish straightforward, in-depth essays on a number of topics. The
purpose of these essays, which have been approved by the First Presidency
and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, is to gather accurate information
from many different sources and place it where the material can more easily be
accessed and studied by Church members and other interested parties.”
(“Gospel Topics Essays” – Gospel Topics Essays)
3
Topics include: Becoming Like God, Book of Mormon and DNA Studies,
Book of Mormon Translation, Book of Abraham Translation and Historicity,
First Vision Accounts, Plural Marriage in The Church, Race and the
Priesthood, Women and the Priesthood, Same Gender Attraction, etc. One titled
“Answering Gospel Questions” was particularly helpful to me as I prepared
this talk.
When all is said and done, it is better to love
people where they are and not where we wish they were. -If our only thought is the possibility of loved ones
returning to the fold, we will lose precious time waiting for a future that may or may not happen, when we could be
filled with the happiness of the present. When and if they return, it will be with a new kind of faith,
often deeper, but more open, and different. -It is most helpful for those in a faith transition to hear us say that
they are loved unconditionally and that their value to us, and our relationship with them, is not predicated on
their church status. (Calk, see sources below)
-Following Christ’s example of
mercy, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness in our interactions and conversations with one another shows that we are true
disciples. (Mason, see sources below)
-To love others, to be in a true relationship with them, is to:
mourn
with them when and how and where they are mourning,
to
comfort them when and how and where they need comfort,
to know in
depth and detail what their burdens are so we can help lighten them
(Mason, see sources below)
-When the people we love are in physical pain,
our first response is not to blame them or dismiss them or trivialize their hurt.
-The same is true of spiritual pain. We go to
them. We embrace them. If words fail us, we simply be with them, as Jesus asked Peter, James and John to be with him in
the Garden of Gethsemane (Mason, see sources below)
This works both ways. One who is in a faith
crisis needs to consider how it affects those who love them. The wife of a person in a faith crisis described it like
this “I thought that something was terribly wrong with both of us. I thought that I could "fix" him if I
just prayed hard enough and convinced him that I was right. I didn't feel like I could tell anyone because I was so confused and
hurt myself. I took his disaffection with the church as a personal attack.” She needed to be allowed time as
well, just like she allowed him time in his transition, and not just be expected to be okay with it from the
initial conversation. Having her faithful views of the church respected by him was just as important as her
respecting his questions. And always remember that they truly loved each other is the heart of working it out. She
went through the stages of Denial (with its feelings of Isolation), Anger, Bargaining (with God and her
spouse), finally came Acceptance (Anonymous Contributor)
-Sometimes we tend to think people are either in or out, that they
either believe or don’t believe. -But we are more complicated
than that. There are believing and unbelieving parts in all of us. -Even devoted believers usually have questions and
problems, and disbelievers usually do have some faith (Mason,
sources)
Uchtdorf “Few are the members of the Church who, at one
time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions.
One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of
faith—even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty.”
-Many in a faith crisis are still attracted to
the Church’s virtues, even while aware of what they see as its shortcomings. They genuinely agonize about whether to
stay or leave.
-It is
possible to live within the Church even while racked with doubts, questions,
and feelings of alienation.
4
-There are many benefits of staying within the
community even if you are distressed by one or more of its aspects. In most cases, these issues are best worked
through in the company of other Saints rather than by leaving them and the Church behind. (Mason, sources
below)
Holland April 2013 “In moments of fear or doubt or troubling
times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is
limited…. Hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until
additional knowledge comes…. When problems come and questions arise, do
not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have,
leading as it were with your “unbelief.” Let me be clear on this point: I am
not asking you to pretend to have faith you do not have. I am asking you
to be true to the faith you do have. Sometimes we act as if an honest
declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an
honest declaration of faith. It is not! … Be as candid about your
questions as you need to be; life is full of them. But if you … want to
be healed, don’t let those questions stand in the way of faith working its
miracle.”
One returned missionary with serious questions explained why he
chose to stay in the Church. He said: -I stay because I still consider myself to
be a believer – in what…I’m not totally sure right now. But my heart and
soul still impel me to believe. And when I listen carefully, I still feel moved
and inspired by the whisperings of a higher power or purpose
-I stay because even when I don’t always agree with what is being
said across the pulpit -- I still feel spiritual nourishment when I
attend Sunday church services.
-I stay because I believe that, when at its best, this church is a
splendidly beautiful thing to behold – blessing the lives of millions
across the globe.
-I stay because the church continually reminds and motivates me to
try harder to be a good father, and a good husband. And I need these
reminders.
-I stay because my parents, siblings, children, and extended
family have chosen to remain in the church, and I want to be able to stay
connected to them in this sacred, meaningful part of our lives. -I stay because
of the positive fruits of the church that I regularly witness in the lives of
everyday Members. Flaws acknowledged, my experience is that in general,
they tend to be honest, sincere, hardworking, selfless people who are
trying to do what’s right– and this can make them really good neighbors and
friends. -I stay because I do not want to throw away or forget the history,
culture, heritage, spiritual roots, and identity that made me who I am.
Wholesale rejection of my church heritage does not feel healthy to me -I stay
because I still love this church. As dysfunctional, as broken and as misguided
as I sometimes think it is – it is no more dysfunctional, broken or misguided
than I am – if I’m being honest with myself. -Finally, I stay as perhaps my
last, great act of religious faith. I believe – in my heart –that this big,
beautiful, and clumsy thing called The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints -- that I have loved for so long -- is somehow big
enough and strong enough to withstand, welcome, and even embrace doubters,
strugglers, and heretics like me--flaws and all. (Dehlin, see sources
below)
Elder Uchtdorf concluded: “To those who have separated themselves
from the Church, I say, my dear friends, there is yet a place for you
here. If you are tempted to give up: I say, Stay yet a little longer. There is
room for you here. In spite of our human imperfections, I am confident
that you will find among the members of this Church many of the finest
souls this world has to offer… I plead with all who hear these words: Come,
join with us. Come heed the call of the gentle Christ. Come, join with
us! For here you will find what is precious beyond price. I testify that
here you will find the words of eternal life, the promise of blessed
redemption, and the pathway to peace and happiness.”
I echo that call. If any of you are struggling with your faith, if
any of you are in a transition of faith, I invite you to stay with us. We
can help. We can help each other. We can learn from you, and you can learn from
us. And that is the way to peace, and joy, happiness everlasting. I leave
this with you in Jesus’ name, Amen.
5
Sources Sited
“Trial of Your Faith” by Elder Neil L. Andersen,
of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, October 2012 General Conference https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2012/10/trial-of-your
faith?lang=eng
“Come, Join with Us” by President Dieter F.
Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, October 2013 General Conference https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/come-join
with-us?lang=eng
“The Reflection in the Water” by President Dieter
F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, November 1, 2009 Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/video/2009-11-0050-the-reflection-in-the-water?lang=eng
“Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread” by D. Todd
Christofferson, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles BYU Devotional Address, January 9, 2011 https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/d-todd-christofferson/give-us-this
day-our-daily-bread/
“Lord, I Believe” by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, of
the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, April 2013 General Conference https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng
“Surviving a Faith Crisis (and How Church Members
Can Help)” by Patrick Q. Mason, LDS Living Magazine, June 26, 2018 https://www.ldsliving.com/Surviving-a-Faith-Crisis-with-the-Help-of-Church-Members/s/80563
“Understanding a Faith Crisis: For Those Who Have
Never Had One” by Ian Calk, LDS Living Magazine, August
03, 2019 https://www.ldsliving.com/Understanding-a-Crisis-of-Faith-For-Those-Who-Have-Never-Had
One/s/91261
“3 Principles to Remember When Loved Ones Are
Doubting” by David B. Marsh, LDS Living Magazine, April 21, 2017 https://www.ldsliving.com/3-Principles-to-Remember-When-Loved-Ones-Are-Doubting/s/85171
“Faith Crisis: What Do We Do When We Feel Nothing?” by Michael McLean
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/inspiration/latter-day-saints-channel/watch/series/his-grace/faith-crisis
what-do-we-do-when-we-feel-nothing?lang=eng
“Answering
Gospel Questions” – Gospel Topics, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/topics?lang=eng
“Gospel Topics Essays” – Gospel Topics, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics
essays/essays?lang=eng
“Why I Stay” by John Dehlin, Mormon Stories
Podcast, Salt Lake Symposium, July 27th 2012 https://www.mormonstories.org/podcast/john-dehlin-why-i-stay/
6
hen David closed with his own testimony about keeping the faith, or returning to the faith, as he shed a tear. I could tell he felt deeply about this subject.
*** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** *** ***
I was able to do tithing settlement via personal Zoom with Bishop Mardesich before Sunday dinner.
Thanks, John, for another delicious roast beef dinner.
Then it was family time...
...with a lively game
...of Uno
The weather didn't seem as cold as forecast.
Then the sun lit up the mountains before it set on this Sabbath day.
...another glimpse.
...and another. Daylight is getting precious.
*** *I am so thankful for The Plan of Salvation and the Atonement of Jesus Christ that makes this Great Plan operational.
At the end of this November 15h,I pray you have had arestful , peaceful, and spiritualSabbath Day...
I share these truths as my testimony to you...Heavenly Father lives and knows us each by name. He loves us and wants us to return to Him and Heavenly Mother when we leave this mortal existence. He loves us just as we are at this very moment.*** *** ***Jesus Christ came to earth as The Only Begotten of the Father and fulfilled the Atonement. He is the Redeemer of all. *** *** ***Joseph Smith was foreordained to be the Prophet of the Restoration. He is the Restorer of all things.*** *** ***
President Russell M. Nelson is the Living Prophet today for all the world. He is giving a "Message of Hope" to the world on Friday, November 20.*** *** ***The Bible is "the Word of God as far as it is translated correctly" and is a Testament of the Divinity of Jesus Christ.*** *** ***
The Book of Mormon is the Word of God and is Another Testament of Jesus Christ. It is the most correct book of any book on earth.*** *** ***The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the True Church on the earth today. *** *** ***Of these truths I testify in the Name of Jesus Christ, amen.Eileen PetersenSaratoga Springs, Utah, U.S.A.November 15, 2020 Since I've spent so much time this week copyingmy Mom's life story into the "Memories" section offamilysearch.org I thought I'd put a photo of her helping me with my veil at our wedding reception.She and my Dad were sealed in the Salt Lake Templeon the same day Walt and I were married there.June 14 1961. Verna Beth Huffaker Albertson
1. Dermatologist
2. Rochester, MN
AREAS OF FOCUS:
Vein
procedure, Mohs surgery, Reconstructive surgery, Skin cancer reconstruction,
Botox injection, Laser skin surgery, Melanoma surgery, Melanoma,
Hyperhidrosis, Skin cancer, Skin tumor, Merkel cell carcinoma
Areas of focus for Jerry D. Brewer, M.D., M.S.
We had a good Sacrament Meeting via Zoom.
Dean Fletcher played organ and Sheree Shepherd led two Thanksgiving hymns.
Caid spoke about the Lord showing us our weaknesses so we can become strong. He quoted Elder Jeffrey R. Holland: "There is nothing you have done that cannot be undone." Val Green said she was sure she couldn't speak for 15 minutes, but she spoke for 16 minutes. She said: "I feel peace through the ATONEMENT. When I felt that the Lord wasn't answering a specific prayer, I heard Him say: "I am taking care of you in other ways." It doesn't matter to me how; just that I heard these words is sufficient.
Vivien didn't know if she would be doing another Gospel Doctrine class before the year ended. She led a great discussion on the Book of Ether. Cami made a poignant observation that we can bring our own "stones" to the Lord and He can light them for our needs.
Our son David is a high councilor in the Canyon Stake in Draper. I was able to watch him via Zoom today. After he greeted the ward members and shared the love of the Stake Presidency for them, he spoke about faith...a trial of faith and a crisis of faith.
A Trial of Faith – A Crisis of Faith
Ether 12:2-4 Ether was a prophet of the Lord; … could not be
restrained because of the Spirit of the Lord which was in him. he did cry
from the morning, even until the going down of the sun, exhorting the people to
believe in God … saying unto them that by faith all
things are fulfilled—… wherefore, dispute not because ye see not, for
ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith.
-A Trial of
Faith is universal. If you have not had one yet, you will. There is no faith
without a trial
1 Peter 4:12 “Think it not strange concerning the fiery trial
which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you.”
Peter had his fiery trial, denying Jesus 3 times.
Elder Neil L. Anderson, spoke of these trials in the Oct 2012
Conf: “These fiery trials are designed to make you stronger, but they
have the potential to diminish or even destroy your trust in the Son of God and
to weaken your resolve to keep your promises to Him. A real but
manageable test for one can be a fiery trial for another.”
-We hear a lot lately about not just trials of faith, but members
in a Faith Crisis, or sometimes called a Transition of Faith. In preparing for this talk, I have read the personal
accounts of people having a crisis of faith, as well as spoken personally with several, including dear
neighbors and close friends, and even my own brother. I am sure that some in the congregation today
fit in this category, and I believe that all of you likely know of a loved one who has had a crisis of faith,
maybe even a child or a spouse. You are not alone. I pray that whether you are having a faith crisis or love
someone who is, you will find something comforting and helpful in this talk.
Elder Uchtdorf, Oct 2013: said of members having a crisis of faith
“Sometimes we assume it is because they have been offended or lazy or
sinful. Actually, it is not that simple.”
It is easy to say that their faith is weak
because they haven’t been reading their scriptures, praying or going to church or the temple often enough -But this can happen
to the most devout.
For many people who undergo a significant
Transition of Faith, their whole world comes crashing down because that world had been built on the truthfulness
of the Church and the structure that the Church provided in their lives. They spent years testifying,
“I know the Church is true,” and now that they can no longer honestly make that declaration, they call into
question everything they ever knew. The old ways of knowing have become suspect. (Mason, see sources
below)
A faith
crisis often begins with issues regarding church history, policy, or doctrine,
Uchtdorf “Some struggle with unanswered questions about things that have
been done or said in the past. We openly acknowledge that in nearly 200
years of Church history—along with an uninterrupted line of inspired,
honorable, and divine events—there have been some things said and done
that could cause people to question. And, to be perfectly frank, there
have been times when members or leaders in the Church have simply made
mistakes. There may have been things said or done that were not in
harmony with our values, principles, or doctrine.”
When they come across an issue that is troublesome to their testimony in some way, they will “put it on the shelf.” This is a spiritual coping mechanism that allows a person to set aside a difficult topic and just go on in faith in the meantime. It seems sustainable at first, so they repeat this process, putting more and more things on the shelf until one day their shelf has reached its maximum capacity. At that point, when they attempt to put one more thing on their shelf, it breaks. If someone says to you, “My shelf broke,” it probably means their crisis has begun. Discussing and working through these issues, before their shelf breaks, rather than ignoring them, can help avert a serious crisis. (Calk, see sources below)
When the shelf breaks, Some can become very
angry, feeling lied to and deceived that what they learned in Primary and Sunday school is not historically
accurate.
Each person’s shelf can hold a different amount
before it breaks. And the thing that broke one person’s shelf may not bother another at all. Someone may find it
very difficult, for instance, to reconcile the fact that there is no scientific evidence of horses in the Americas
prior to 1492 with the accounts of horses related in the BoM, and that may not phase you at all. However,
telling them that it shouldn’t bother them won’t help. To them, it will feel trivializing and invalidating, and
they will walk away from the conversation unwilling to be open with you about their concerns ever again, because
they feel like you don’t get it. (Calk, see sources below)
-Stigmatizing doubt to the point that they feel guilty for having
questions is not conducive to spiritual growth. -Nor is
it helpful to brush off questions as if they are invalid, unimportant, and
wrongheaded. (Mason, see sources
below)
-Elder Uchtdorf taught in a Worldwide devotional 2009: “Some might
feel embarrassed or unworthy because they have searching questions
regarding the gospel, but they needn’t feel that way. Asking questions isn’t
a sign of weakness; it’s a precursor of growth.”
So often with these issues, our initial impulse
is to tell people to double down on scripture study, triple their temple attendance, and quadruple their prayers. (Calk,
see sources below)
-These solutions are great in theory but the
chances are the person has already tried reading/praying/ attending extensively.
-a “Sunday School” answer may come across as we
are not taking them seriously or a lack of concern for the person and their actual problems.
-Avoiding tough conversations, dismissing
concerns as insignificant, or giving prepackaged answers without thought or care all come off as naïve—or worse, as
insensitive and uncaring. (Calk, see sources below)
-Most of the time what they really need is a safe
sounding board. If they don’t get it with you, they often seek out online forums or find support groups of
like-minded individuals that may lead them down another path. -listening and validating is key. Assure them that
their concerns and feelings are legitimate and real, even though we may not share those same concerns. (Calk,
see sources below)
-Allow them to describe their experience fully
and completely before trying to give advice. This
nonjudgmental, supportive approach can be very healing.
-Glib reassurances like saying, “There are
answers to all your questions,” before we even try to understand the depth and complexity of a person’s actual questions
(which may outreach the depth of even our own knowledge), feel more dismissive than encouraging.
(Calk, see sources below)
-it is important to not only make them feel heard but to also respect
their wishes.
They may ask for more space to breathe, regroup,
and process, and we need to do our best to respect what they ask for and honor their boundaries. (Calk, see
sources below)
-There is no deadline to figure things out. A person
may need a week, a year, or a decade to process these changes, and that is okay.
Not every problem can or will be solved quickly.
If we shut down constructive dialogue based in love and genuine concern because it is “taking too long”, then
they naturally become frustrated, feeling that they are not valued and that things will never get better.
(Calk, see sources below)
Elder D. Todd Christofferson explained what he learned from a
personal trial: “Though I suffered then, as I look back now, I am
grateful that there was not a quick solution to my problem. The fact that I was
forced to turn to God for help almost daily over an extended period of years
taught me truly how to pray and get answers to prayer and taught me in a
very practical way to have faith in God. I came to know my Savior and my
Heavenly Father in a way and to a degree that might not have happened
otherwise …” (Church Educational System Fireside, Jan. 9, 2011)
There is a
wonderful video vignette on ChurchOfJesusChrist.org featuring Michael McLean.
His Son came out as Gay and said to him, “I have done everything you told
me, eagle scout, mission, I can’t do it anymore. The stuff you have been
telling me has not been helpful!” It broke his heart, really broke it. He
needed some answers from heaven. He prayed like he had never prayed
before. And for the first time in his life, he felt like Heaven was shut.
So he thought, “this is a trial, a challenge, I will get through it.” A week
went by, then a month, then a year. After several years, he started to
ask himself and say, “wait a minute, what if I got it wrong. Is there
really a God that hears and answers prayers, or not? Do I continue when my
heart feels nothing? And I fear that nothing is coming?” But he decided
to keep going, and trust God. He chose to trust that there was a reason
that he couldn’t feel His presence, that he felt so abandoned. He trusted that
God was smarter than he was, and at some point, God would communicate with him
again, even though it felt like that was never going to happen.. After
NINE YEARS of this faith crisis, He had an extraordinary experience. As a
song writer, there was a week when out of the blue, he got a rush of
inspiration, song after song just came to him. When he reviewed these
songs, He saw the answer to his prayers about God’s love for him was in
those songs. He saw that the Lord loved him so personally and so
individually and so completely, that he was sent a personalized answer
that could only have come from God. He was overwhelmed with Grace. Then
he thought Why did this take 9 years? He said, “As looked back over that timed
I realized that I was looking for an answer in my way, in a specific box,
this is how God’s answers come. But what if God was answering me outside
the box? What if there were ways he was trying to give me hope and reassure me
and talk to me, but it just went over my head? Then I listed 25 things that
had happened to me over those 9 years, that made it clear the Lord had
been reaching out to me. He had not been punishing me by not talking to
me. Even when I couldn’t see it, His grace was trying to save me.”
Now, if you are in a faith crisis, or have a relationship with
someone who is, it is okay to say - “I don’t know.” At least for now.
Truth is learned a little at a time, so try to avoid premature conclusions. As
you search for answers, consult reliable sources, and consider the
motives of those who prepared each source. Learn to detect partial truths
and lack of context. (“Answering Gospel Questions” – Gospel Topics)
In your search for answers for yourself or a loved one, you can
find some answers in the Gospel Topics Essays, found on the Gospel
Library App and on ChurchofJesusChrist.org. In 2013 the Church began to
publish straightforward, in-depth essays on a number of topics. The
purpose of these essays, which have been approved by the First Presidency
and the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, is to gather accurate information
from many different sources and place it where the material can more easily be
accessed and studied by Church members and other interested parties.”
(“Gospel Topics Essays” – Gospel Topics Essays)
3
Topics include: Becoming Like God, Book of Mormon and DNA Studies,
Book of Mormon Translation, Book of Abraham Translation and Historicity,
First Vision Accounts, Plural Marriage in The Church, Race and the
Priesthood, Women and the Priesthood, Same Gender Attraction, etc. One titled
“Answering Gospel Questions” was particularly helpful to me as I prepared
this talk.
When all is said and done, it is better to love
people where they are and not where we wish they were. -If our only thought is the possibility of loved ones
returning to the fold, we will lose precious time waiting for a future that may or may not happen, when we could be
filled with the happiness of the present. When and if they return, it will be with a new kind of faith,
often deeper, but more open, and different. -It is most helpful for those in a faith transition to hear us say that
they are loved unconditionally and that their value to us, and our relationship with them, is not predicated on
their church status. (Calk, see sources below)
-Following Christ’s example of
mercy, patience, tolerance, and forgiveness in our interactions and conversations with one another shows that we are true
disciples. (Mason, see sources below)
-To love others, to be in a true relationship with them, is to:
mourn
with them when and how and where they are mourning,
to
comfort them when and how and where they need comfort,
to know in
depth and detail what their burdens are so we can help lighten them
(Mason, see sources below)
-When the people we love are in physical pain,
our first response is not to blame them or dismiss them or trivialize their hurt.
-The same is true of spiritual pain. We go to
them. We embrace them. If words fail us, we simply be with them, as Jesus asked Peter, James and John to be with him in
the Garden of Gethsemane (Mason, see sources below)
This works both ways. One who is in a faith
crisis needs to consider how it affects those who love them. The wife of a person in a faith crisis described it like
this “I thought that something was terribly wrong with both of us. I thought that I could "fix" him if I
just prayed hard enough and convinced him that I was right. I didn't feel like I could tell anyone because I was so confused and
hurt myself. I took his disaffection with the church as a personal attack.” She needed to be allowed time as
well, just like she allowed him time in his transition, and not just be expected to be okay with it from the
initial conversation. Having her faithful views of the church respected by him was just as important as her
respecting his questions. And always remember that they truly loved each other is the heart of working it out. She
went through the stages of Denial (with its feelings of Isolation), Anger, Bargaining (with God and her
spouse), finally came Acceptance (Anonymous Contributor)
-Sometimes we tend to think people are either in or out, that they
either believe or don’t believe. -But we are more complicated
than that. There are believing and unbelieving parts in all of us. -Even devoted believers usually have questions and
problems, and disbelievers usually do have some faith (Mason,
sources)
Uchtdorf “Few are the members of the Church who, at one
time or another, have not wrestled with serious or sensitive questions.
One of the purposes of the Church is to nurture and cultivate the seed of
faith—even in the sometimes sandy soil of doubt and uncertainty.”
-Many in a faith crisis are still attracted to
the Church’s virtues, even while aware of what they see as its shortcomings. They genuinely agonize about whether to
stay or leave.
-It is
possible to live within the Church even while racked with doubts, questions,
and feelings of alienation.
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-There are many benefits of staying within the
community even if you are distressed by one or more of its aspects. In most cases, these issues are best worked
through in the company of other Saints rather than by leaving them and the Church behind. (Mason, sources
below)
Holland April 2013 “In moments of fear or doubt or troubling
times, hold the ground you have already won, even if that ground is
limited…. Hold fast to what you already know and stand strong until
additional knowledge comes…. When problems come and questions arise, do
not start your quest for faith by saying how much you do not have,
leading as it were with your “unbelief.” Let me be clear on this point: I am
not asking you to pretend to have faith you do not have. I am asking you
to be true to the faith you do have. Sometimes we act as if an honest
declaration of doubt is a higher manifestation of moral courage than is an
honest declaration of faith. It is not! … Be as candid about your
questions as you need to be; life is full of them. But if you … want to
be healed, don’t let those questions stand in the way of faith working its
miracle.”
One returned missionary with serious questions explained why he
chose to stay in the Church. He said: -I stay because I still consider myself to
be a believer – in what…I’m not totally sure right now. But my heart and
soul still impel me to believe. And when I listen carefully, I still feel moved
and inspired by the whisperings of a higher power or purpose
-I stay because even when I don’t always agree with what is being
said across the pulpit -- I still feel spiritual nourishment when I
attend Sunday church services.
-I stay because I believe that, when at its best, this church is a
splendidly beautiful thing to behold – blessing the lives of millions
across the globe.
-I stay because the church continually reminds and motivates me to
try harder to be a good father, and a good husband. And I need these
reminders.
-I stay because my parents, siblings, children, and extended
family have chosen to remain in the church, and I want to be able to stay
connected to them in this sacred, meaningful part of our lives. -I stay because
of the positive fruits of the church that I regularly witness in the lives of
everyday Members. Flaws acknowledged, my experience is that in general,
they tend to be honest, sincere, hardworking, selfless people who are
trying to do what’s right– and this can make them really good neighbors and
friends. -I stay because I do not want to throw away or forget the history,
culture, heritage, spiritual roots, and identity that made me who I am.
Wholesale rejection of my church heritage does not feel healthy to me -I stay
because I still love this church. As dysfunctional, as broken and as misguided
as I sometimes think it is – it is no more dysfunctional, broken or misguided
than I am – if I’m being honest with myself. -Finally, I stay as perhaps my
last, great act of religious faith. I believe – in my heart –that this big,
beautiful, and clumsy thing called The Church of Jesus Christ of
Latter-day Saints -- that I have loved for so long -- is somehow big
enough and strong enough to withstand, welcome, and even embrace doubters,
strugglers, and heretics like me--flaws and all. (Dehlin, see sources
below)
Elder Uchtdorf concluded: “To those who have separated themselves
from the Church, I say, my dear friends, there is yet a place for you
here. If you are tempted to give up: I say, Stay yet a little longer. There is
room for you here. In spite of our human imperfections, I am confident
that you will find among the members of this Church many of the finest
souls this world has to offer… I plead with all who hear these words: Come,
join with us. Come heed the call of the gentle Christ. Come, join with
us! For here you will find what is precious beyond price. I testify that
here you will find the words of eternal life, the promise of blessed
redemption, and the pathway to peace and happiness.”
I echo that call. If any of you are struggling with your faith, if
any of you are in a transition of faith, I invite you to stay with us. We
can help. We can help each other. We can learn from you, and you can learn from
us. And that is the way to peace, and joy, happiness everlasting. I leave
this with you in Jesus’ name, Amen.
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Sources Sited
“Trial of Your Faith” by Elder Neil L. Andersen,
of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, October 2012 General Conference https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2012/10/trial-of-your
faith?lang=eng
“Come, Join with Us” by President Dieter F.
Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, October 2013 General Conference https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/10/come-join
with-us?lang=eng
“The Reflection in the Water” by President Dieter
F. Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency, November 1, 2009 Worldwide Devotional for Young Adults
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/media/video/2009-11-0050-the-reflection-in-the-water?lang=eng
“Give Us This Day Our Daily Bread” by D. Todd
Christofferson, of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles BYU Devotional Address, January 9, 2011 https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/d-todd-christofferson/give-us-this
day-our-daily-bread/
“Lord, I Believe” by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, of
the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles, April 2013 General Conference https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/general-conference/2013/04/lord-i-believe?lang=eng
“Surviving a Faith Crisis (and How Church Members
Can Help)” by Patrick Q. Mason, LDS Living Magazine, June 26, 2018 https://www.ldsliving.com/Surviving-a-Faith-Crisis-with-the-Help-of-Church-Members/s/80563
“Understanding a Faith Crisis: For Those Who Have
Never Had One” by Ian Calk, LDS Living Magazine, August
03, 2019 https://www.ldsliving.com/Understanding-a-Crisis-of-Faith-For-Those-Who-Have-Never-Had
One/s/91261
“3 Principles to Remember When Loved Ones Are
Doubting” by David B. Marsh, LDS Living Magazine, April 21, 2017 https://www.ldsliving.com/3-Principles-to-Remember-When-Loved-Ones-Are-Doubting/s/85171
“Faith Crisis: What Do We Do When We Feel Nothing?” by Michael McLean
https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/inspiration/latter-day-saints-channel/watch/series/his-grace/faith-crisis
what-do-we-do-when-we-feel-nothing?lang=eng
“Answering
Gospel Questions” – Gospel Topics, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/topics?lang=eng
“Gospel Topics Essays” – Gospel Topics, https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/manual/gospel-topics
essays/essays?lang=eng
“Why I Stay” by John Dehlin, Mormon Stories
Podcast, Salt Lake Symposium, July 27th 2012 https://www.mormonstories.org/podcast/john-dehlin-why-i-stay/
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I was able to do tithing settlement via personal Zoom with Bishop Mardesich before Sunday dinner.
Thanks, John, for another delicious roast beef dinner.
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